Last March I gave my first college-level guest lecture titled “Let’s Talk About Porn!” Before I settled on that title, I had tossed around other names for the 20-slides, one-hour long presentation about the history of technology and porn including the basic “Porn 101”, the provocative “Why we love internet porn,” and the ridiculous “Everything you ever wanted to know about cum shot.”
I settled on my Let’s Talk about Porn, only realizing after my talk that none of the 18 to 19 year olds in the class got my subtle Salt ‘N’ Pepa reference. I was just a decade older than this kids but I felt worlds apart. I grew up on Saved By the Bell style cell-phones, stir-up leggings and dial-up internet; they all had iPhones, skinny jeans and unfettered access to high speed internet (and porn) since puberty. What could I possibly teach them about porn that their sullied little eyes hadn’t already seen?
I started the lecture shaky with nerves and Starbucks Double Shots, but by the time I was showing the intro the 1980s classic “the yum-yum girls,” I felt I was on a role, doing what I do best: talking about sex to squirming groups of 300 freshmen at a large Midwestern university. Before I knew it I was giving my own little PSA about anal sex, carefully spelling out Nina Hartley’s- that’s h-a-r-t-l-e-y-‘-s- guide to anal sex, and directing them all to take their time and use a lot of lube.
I few weeks after the lecture, that the professor of the Media 101 class told me she witnessed half the class in utter rapture and the other half in sheer discomfort, wish that this lady would please stop talking about anything related to sphincter and bodily functions. As one of my students told me about her discomfort, “You know we all watch it so why talk about it.”
I think we must talk about it because of that 50% of the class enthralled with an honest conversation about porn. But I think more we need to talk about it for the 50% who were pained just hearing about sex. These are the kids I’m most worried will see porn, take it at face value and never talk about it with anyone else.
And there is so much we need to talk about. The myths in porn run rampant. In addition to frequent, easy, wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am anal sex, there are oversized penises, under-haired vulvas, unnecessarily degrading money shots, and the ubiquitous female orgasm or at least extreme arousal from awkward angled penetration.
If kids are only watching porn but not talking about that porn (or sex for that matter) with anyone else, they are going to assume some pretty erroneous and possibly horrifying things about the norms of sexual behavior.
Last semester, my adviser was attempting to explain “penis worship” to a sweet girl from Jersey who was working on a porn analysis project with my adviser and me. My adviser explained how undo reverence particularly with the money shot was part of penis worship. She scrunched up her face slightly with confusion before she said “some girls might think that is just the natural end of sex.”
Of course, other students have different experiences. One male student said he thought that porn might only really influence those guys who “haven’t done it,” the it being the sex. He explained that having sex quickly takes the fantasy in porn that everything goes smoothly.
Another female student suggested that guys have asked her to act out “porn-like” situations but when she said no they respected her. She said it even opened up a dialogue about what they wanted from sex.
Of course these are just a few students’ experiences. The truth is we aren’t sure what the effect is on the sexual norms of our young adults. But what we do know is kids are watching porn.
During my lecture in the back of a class, a girl rolled her eyes and whispered to her seatmate, “Why is she assuming everyone watches porn.” A male student from behind her answered “Because she lives in reality where most people do.”